Lake Louise Downhill
It was a dream reshaping to memory.

Rewind two weeks, the moon was waxing. December 4th 2016.  A ski race marinated in adventure  skimming disaster.

When the doors to the airplane closed just 20 seconds behind us, should we have been forewarned of our fate? Kayo needed a visa for Canada. That took every extra minute we had given ourselves to check in. Incredibly she applied for the visa and we made the flight…so did all of our luggage.


Alberta is sensually sexy.

Stimulation for your eyes from the magic of sunlight       touching her golden alpine.

Imagining of why and where we came.



Downhill inspection. 




Fishnet. Fallaway.


You learn the course and then you run it a dozen times in your mind. Testing out memory to reality comes quickly. It’s best when your going full speed to know what way you want to point. Racing downhill is intimidating.  A million things can go wrong at any moment. The track gets icy and bumpy and the jumps and terrain and forces to the turns. But when you get things right, the rush trumps all.  Blown out knees, pre-releases, breaks and bruises are eclipsed by the rush, the thrill.

Racing downhill, like sex and surfing is why gods come back to Earth.  #Feels.
























Kayo was scared. Tickety rocked her all five runs. On the second training run she targeted the fence and rode up the A-net like a World Cup Skier in Wengen. She has a samurai mindset: 5 days going down Lake Louise and 5 days launching off Tickety towards space and 5 times standing in the start pushing out with determination, testing to see if her visualization corrections might pay off. She finished all 5 races. She didn’t score but she got world class Downhill experience.

Abigail is fast, and getting faster. She is a determined to win racer. I like her mindset on race day. She wants it. Most days she wants it so bad it backfires. Her training runs were top 5 fast.  First race day she knew she had to gun if she wanted to get on that podium. Coming of Tickety a little loaded but would have landed fine until she caught her edge. She managed to get out of the spin but just then rocked to the back seat and couldn’t get everything under control before the A-net was ejecting her skis and flipping her back onto the course at a speed of 103 kmh. It was a hit, and would end her series, but not her season.

Heidi is on a come-back from an ACL injury in 2015. She is tough to have made the commitment to come up to Lake Louise and race. Heidi confronts fear demons everyday. I know how she feels. Thoughts of fear of doubt of crashing and failing. She also had a crash. In the second training run her ski pre-released from the force of fishnet mixed with rough terrain. She flew up a good 8 feet in the air on the A-net and cartwheeled to a stop. After that she has a hard time committing to a race run. She pushed out the next day, losing a pole in the start and then skiing the entire Lake Louise downhill track with one pole. The girls has skills.

As for me. I was just slow. Moving laterally? On a safe line? Slow skis? Whatever. I still got the rush. I enjoyed myself completely. Until I saw my times.  I have been working with my mindset.  Remaining in presence is always reassuring.

Harnessing presence to omit both fear and hope.


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Alberta, Alberta,
Where you been so long?
Alberta, Alberta,
Where you been so long?
Ain’t had no loving
Since you’ve been gone.

Alberta, Alberta,
Where’d you stay last night?
Alberta, Alberta
Where’d you stay last night?
Come home this morning,
Clothes don’t fit you right

Alberta, Alberta,
Girl, you’re on my mind.
Alberta, Alberta,
Girl, you’re on my mind.
Ain’t had no loving
Such a great long time.

Alberta, Alberta,
Where you been so long?
Alberta, Alberta,
Where you been so long?
Ain’t had no loving
Since you’ve been gone.

Eric Clapton

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Crimson red heart bleed
painted desire to her lips.
Burning hunger:
craved sugar
the other thunder.
Choice now broken
chariots with tokens.
Enjoyment of bourgeoning entrapment:
road is heavier,
all roads bleed here.
enlightened her
enchanted her
two Hydrogen
fucked Oxygen.
What was written?
How many billion?
She was destined
to remember, then.
He is god and god is love
and God played them.
Star exploded into rock,
Divine Mother ambitions.
To be a rock and not to grow?
Fuck is spelled the same way as love.

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Stop Fascism Dis a War

Until the philosophy which hold one race superior
And another
Is finally
And permanently
And abandoned -
Everywhere is war -
Me say war.

That until there no longer
First class and second class citizens of any nation
Until the colour of a man’s skin
Is of no more significance than the colour of his eyes -
Me say war.

That until the basic human rights
Are equally guaranteed to all,
Without regard to race -
Dis a war.

-Bob Marley


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fifth chakra

Standing Muse
Tolerate Abuse
Abuse to toleration
Coal lights nation
Stop singing national anthem >< s
You can join em or you can fight em
Why not ignite them?
with light then?
Tangled wiring
Dark Power
Nature stole our gills
Sound, no cord?
Chakra defends against sword
lunar symbol of nada
pure cosmic sound,
Guilt is a social institution
Sing out your troubles
Sing out your troubles
trust in intuition
and disregard religion.

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I miss being on snow. on water. Send help.

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Uncomfortable in crowds
turn inside out
no one cares…..really
head in the clouds….anyway

Human connection
Insect collection
Crystal weapon

Do witches know magic?
reading palms
singing psalms

Sound is the most creative force
om – natural course
racing horse


Alone on the porch

thinking makes us smart-err
then the apple tree must just be wise, or?

Does a bee have a heart?

Bee fell in love with grasshopper…

and thats how beetle got his start.


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heart of mama lion

Today I woke up a mom. In my mama bed with my ‘mamá’ screamin’ kids and my mama loving husband. I roll over to Federico, give him a squeeze and then a kiss or two or three or ten. And by rollover I mean rolling over the two kids that sleep in-between us (small house, big bed). Sometimes I walk around. Resi wakes up – sometimes she’s mad, most of the times she’s glad. When she has a little morning fit, not so little in sound – she screams, she likes a ‘hug-ie’ to calm down. Lasse like to wrestle in the morning. Or scream, “stop!” as he’s massaged awake.

Life on a school day

* Give love to husband
* Wake up kids: wrestle, love, hug, massage
* Get kids dressed (showers every other-day)
* Make breakfast (french toast is favorite)
* Make Resi lunch (options: artichoke? she ate it, yogurt pretzels, fruit, drink box, nuts, bar, string cheese, sandwich, yogurt ????)
*Count down the etd so we aren’t late….”10minutes!!!…..5minutes!!!” It’s eat and GO! (Even though we try to leave by 7:45 it’s never before 7:52)
* Shoes on! jackets on! backpacks on! kisses and whoosh them out the door.

* AHHHHHHHHH Silence, Serita time….starts now.

Things I do with Serita time:

clean intervals on the track listen to music
drink tea or coffee watch surf contests
yoga pure barre class dance
tai-chi clean some more
sport-cord prepare dinner
meditate listen to Alan Watts
catch up on emails watch pinterest or tumblr
mountain bike hike sauna train body and mind

Serita time passes quickly. Gotta get done what needs to get done….. clock strikes 3:00 – I loose my slippers – carriage turns into an Audi –  back into ‘mamá mode.’

* Pick up Lasse at school – 17 minutes to Edwards for a 30min Piano Lesson at 4:00
* Play on the playground  while Lasse practices piano. (Upper body strength on the playground)
* Drive home and scratch my mind on what I can make for dinner
* “Lasse have you done your reading? Lasse what about math? Lasse Read!! Lasse!!!”
* Eat dinner. I hope it’s something healthy.
* Bedtime ritual (brush brushy brush, clean face, cream, floss, vitamins, read books and spiritual practice, meditation, saying what we are grateful for, who we forgive, and something we like about ourselves)
* If it’s after 9:00 the kids pass out. If it’s before 9:00 it usually takes them a little more time to relax.
* If by some miracle I can wake back up after putting them to sleep I go down stairs and play with my husband. Watch some football or surf, usually pass out on the couch and have to go back upstairs and put myself quickly back to bed.

Is all this normal? I feel so normal. Who wants to feel like that? Normal. Not me? I would rather be a wild mom out on an adventure, toting kids and husband looking for ways to play. This is what school does to a family…..stuck, static, oh the dreaded routine….school, school, school? It kind of makes me crazy, the normalcy of it all.  So if crazy = normal and normal =crazy then they must be the same thing. Yin and Yang. I can live like this….but only for a while.

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